Blood & Trenches: A Review

What's black and white, and RED all over?

No, not a newspaper! (check the spelling, people) It's Angel: Blood & Trenches!

Blood & Trenches is a four issue comic series written/drawn by John Byrne, and tells the story of Angel's time in Europe during WWI.  The story begins with our hero learning of terrible monsters ravaging troops in Europe.  Angel travels to France to try and uncover what's really going on.  What follows is a non-stop, action packed, black/white romp across northern Europe.  Vampires are feeding on soldiers, but not just feeding, they're siring them, seemingly recruiting them for some bigger, broader plan.  Angel is determined to uncover the plan, and along the way, meets up with a few familiar faces.

What to look for in Angel: Blood & Trenches: 

While reading Blood & Trenches, be on the lookout for certain canonical features.  I won't give any specific details away, but I will say that there are lots of great references to previous Angel encounters (or in this case, future encounters).  Angel awkwardly teams up with a semi-familiar figure, Colonel Geoffrey Wyndam-Price.  That's right; Wesley's granddad (and not a robot this time).  We also have the pleasure (or not-pleasure, rather) of being reintroduced to another Buffy/Angel crossover character, Kakistos.  Kakistos did a stint on Buffy, and then was featured again in the Xbox game, Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds.  Kakistos proves to be just as formidable a foe for Angel.

What makes Blood & Trenches so great?

I especially like the aesthetics of this series.  The entire spread is colorless, except for a super-vibrant red-orange used to color blood.  Think of it as a violent coloring book with words and way better pictures.  Also, it's really good to read something about Angel from before he loved and lost the Buffster.  Don't get me wrong, I love Angel & Buffy just as much as the next fan, but all that regret gets kinda annoying, y'know?

So, after all is said and done, Angel: Blood & Trenches makes for a great read.  I think it's definitely one of the better IDW Angel-centered series out there (aside from After the Fall, of course).  Check it out if you haven't already.  It's well worth your while.

And be on the lookout for a hardcover collection of Blood & Trenches, coming soon.

Decapitation vs Defenestration

*The shocking conclusion of my Windex dilemma*

It's been a while, but I'm back with more exciting Windexploits.

As you know (and if you don't know, read my other Windex-centered entries) I just finished the initial tapings of my first ever commercial!  It's an ad for the new green Windex products available at Target and Super Target locations near you!  If any of you readers follow my Tweets on Twitter, then you've probably been seeing some crazy blurbs since my last Windexploits post.  Well, here's a super quick run-on recap:

It all started about a week ago when Michael Lovelace, the director of my Windex commercial, gave me the harrowing news that I could A) star in his ad, or B) have my liver cut out if I didn't obey his wishes.  Lovelace, it turns out, is a Vocah demon (evil, but harmless in most cases) and he wants me to to gestate his demon offspring for a period of 6 weeks in exchange for the role in his commercial.  If I declined, he would cut out my liver and feed it to his newborn child once some other poor soul had delivered it.  I most recently accepted the role and told Lovelace that I would be "honored" to bare his child, even though I am A) a man, B) not up to the challenge emotionally, and C) lying through my perfect teeth.  

Here's the thing.  I told Lovelace I'd go through with it, and we filmed the commercial.  But I can't help him bring a vicious demon-spawn into the world, so I devised a plan.  You may recall me mentioning a dream I had that told me killing Lovelace was the only option, and the only way to kill a demon, that I know of, is to decapitate it.  So, I bought a sword and a few sharp kitchen knives for good measure.

This morning I was to meet Lovelace and his wife, Rebecca, at his office in LA.  We were going to go over the footage from yesterday's shoot and begin the insemination process.  On my way into the building I was stopped at a metal detector and detained for bringing "weapons" into the facility.  Of course, they were stowed (apparently I'm not the only one who wants this guy dead) and I was lead upstairs, defenseless.  

I arrived at Lovelace's office, scared to death and praying to the PTB to help me out.  But, upon entering, I realized it was no use.  I was going to be impregnated with Vocah spawn and there was nothing I could do about it.  They called me into the office and we viewed the ad tape.  I must say, for a moment I forgot all about the impregnation and liver eating.  I was damn good in that commercial!  Maybe this whole ordeal isn't that bad after all, I thought.  Suddenly, the lights dimmed, and Rebecca Lovelace started chanting some weirdo babble from behind Mike's desk.  Candle's were lit, the shades were drawn across the large windows facing LA, and I was pinned to the wall by Michael himself.  

Now, Vocah demons can pass as humans while clothed, but, well . . let's just say that beneath it all, they aren't like real men at all.  Lovelace undressed, and prepared himself for the, er, process.  I was terrified.  I had no idea how this was even going to work.  I don't have a uterus.  I'm not equipped for these things!  As Lovelace pinned me closer to the wall something happened in my brain.  That something told me to run and kick and shove and fight as hard as I could.  So I did.  I pushed Lovelace off of me and then pushed him again, a little too hard, actually.  The next thing I know, a screaming, nude, commercial director is crashing through a thirteenth floor window.  My bad.

Apparently, Rebecca and the others there weren't too happy with Lovelace's antics either, so I wasn't punished too severely.  I was simply shown the door, and sent home.  I even got a few handshakes on my way out!  I guess it just goes to show you that the Powers That Be are always watching.  It's just too bad I didn't get to use the sword.  By the way, as payment for the window I kinda destroyed, I have to wash all the panes on the thirteenth floor for two weeks!  Good thing I know a thing or two about Windex.

Naturally,

PE 

Dollhouse: How Refreshing

What a refresher! 

No, I'm not talking about new Cherry 7up or those bottles of Perrier I just had blessed, I'm talking about Dollhouse; Joss Whedon's newest television series.

Taking a well-needed break from the supernatural genre, Whedon returns to science fiction with Dollhouse, a series about secrets!  Let's all admit it, we love mystery.  And Dollhouse is chock full of it.  Here's a run down, just in case you aren't familiar:

The "Dollhouse" is a hidden facility located somewhere in Los Angeles California.  It's a sort of offshoot of the Rossum Corporation, a mysterious research group.  The inhabitants of the Dollhouse are called Actives, or Dolls, and their minds have essentially been wiped of all memories of the outside world, a trait that allows them to be "imprinted" with new, different personae.  This basically means that the Dolls are blank slates, and can be given new personalities, which help them complete tasks or missions for the Rossum Corporation.  These missions may be known as "engagements" and are often dangerous.  The Dolls are imprinted with the memories and expertise of other individuals in order to help them achieve certain goals.  While acting in engagements, the Dolls are monitored by Handlers, who work for the corporation.  

Okay, so now that we're all clear, let's discuss a few things about this series.  The first season just ended, and I must say, well . . . the only thing I can say, "um?"  Don't get me wrong, season one was a terrific run, but there was a ton of information to process along the way.  For instance, there are Dolls, there are Handlers, there are general employees, and there are Rogue Actives (reprobate Dolls who have become somewhat "self-aware").  There's also this semi-good looking but still kinda boring detective, Paul Ballard, who's heard rumors of the Dollhouse and wants to bring it down.  NEWS FLASH:  The Dollhouse's activities are ILLEGAL, which is also a tad confusing, considering some of the missions they achieve are seemingly good.  The cons of this series, or rather what I consider to be cons, are minimal, but still present.  It is my strong belief, however, that the series has fallen victim to what I call Network Stifling.  Fox currently has the rights to Dollhouse, and the network is using it's power to disassemble the series.  A few of the episodes from Season One were rearranged to form a different order (sound familiar, Firefly fans?), and I believe at least one episode was left out of the season entirely.  I'm not sure of the reasoning behind these choices, but Fox may have put a damper on Dollhouse's interpretability by stifling the original plan.  

Now for the pros.  My favorite thing about this show is all the familiar faces; shall I name them?  Yes!

) Eliza Dushku - Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel

) Alan Tudyk - Firefly

) Amy Acker - Angel

 . . . and many more.

It's great to see three of my favorite Whedon characters in one show.

For me, the story lines are what make this show a hit.  In true Whedon style, there is a looming, sort of overlord of a plot (in this case Eliza Dushku's character Echo becoming "self-aware") and within each episode a smaller, more ascertainable, conflict is created to carry that episode along.  This is what makes this show better, in my opinion, than other shows out there such as Lost or Heroes.  These series leave too much untold in each episode for me to want to come back, and essentially nothing has been achieved by the end of each episode.

The best part of Dollhouse, though, is it's refreshing take on science fiction.  Whedon blew millions away with Buffy and Angel. He created and entire universe of demons and dialogue that made those shows what they were (and have become).  Breaking from that, and from the futuristic sci-fi world of Firefly, Whedon has created semi-realistic view of the technologically scientific fiction.  No aliens, monsters, or weird flying machines here.  This is strictly blow-your-mind (literally) technology, and that's perfectly fine.

So, check out Dollhouse if you haven't already.  It's fantastic once you get past all the kinks.  Season One DVD's on sale soon, and Season Two begins on FOX in September.  You can also view episodes at hulu.com and fox.com.

Thanks, all.

PE.

Recent Ripper Rumors

Digressing from my usual Windexploits, I'm taking a few moments this evening to write about the recent rumors about a THIRD Buffy the Vampire Slayer spinoff.  

The rumors aren't as much recent as they are growing.  I came across an article almost a year ago about an alleged Buffy spinoff in the form of either a miniseries or a made-for-television movie.  The main focus of this new story line; Rupert Giles.  

I know what you all must be thinking.  Giles?  But we know what's happening with Giles.  He's teamed up with Faith the Vampire Slayer and gone all reformative Watcher (ca. BtVS Season Eight).  Supposedly, this spinoff will focus on Giles before the Watchers' Council, back in his demon-worshipping, magic-tampering days as Rupert "Ripper" Giles.

I will admit, I was pleasantly surprised to hear these details, as small as they were.  I am an avid Whedon fan, and anything Whedon-related starts my engine (if y'get my drift).  But the problem with these rumors is that they  are simply rumors as of right now.  Here's approximately everything I've read on the subject of Ripper:

-the televised airings would be broadcast by BBC, which means America = not so much.

-it would be in the form of either A) a made-for-TV movie, or B) a miniseries with no more than 12 episodes.

-Joss Whedon apparently stated sometime last month (when rumors of the new Buffy movie began circulating big time) that after Dollhouse ended he would focus his attention on creating web-based shows/specials, much like Dr. Horrible, exclusively.  So, unless headway on Ripper is made SOON, Whedon probably won't be in the picture.

-public interest is a big issue for this project as well.  The BBC ran (or is running) Buffy on air, so the show has been seen, but aside from the cult following, producers may not feel Ripper would have what it takes to make it on its own; another reason why it may only be presented as a movie/miniseries if presented at all.

I'd love to see this project turned into something amazing.  It could be done, but it sounds to me like a big stretch.  If it does happen, however, we can probably expect some great story lines and familiar faces (i.e. Ethan Rayne, Eyghon, etc).  Let's hope nothing detrimental to the Whedon fanbase happens with this.  I'd hate to see a worthy project get the same kind of reception as the new Buffy film.

-Here's what Anthony Head had to say about the project and his views on "Ripper", Rupert Giles' former self. . .  

http://scifiwire.com/2009/06/anthony-head-the-buffy-sp.php

Thanks, all. . .  and please, tell me what you think as well.

Naturally,

PE

No Streaks -or- Further Windexploits 2

Good morning, readers!

Today is a very special day.  Today we are shooting the Windex commercial I've been raving about for the past week.  It's going to be a busy day for me.  In less than an hour I'll be at the studio, probably getting dressed in a hallway on some backlot.  Now, I know what you're all thinking.  Is he really going through with this?  But what about the demon baby?  Is this commercial for the new, greener Windex products?  Well, hopefully I can answer at least two of those questions. . .

First off, yes.  I'm really going through with the commercial.  I realized last night that it would be a great opportunity for me.  Thirdly (yes, I know I skipped secondly) yes, again.  These products are green.  The commercial is actually going to be pretty cool!  I play a young narcissist who loves looking at his own reflection.  Well, one day I'm on a picnic with my racially-ambiguous girlfriend, sitting next to a pond.  I keep trying to check my reflection in the pond, but it's murky and unclear. SO, my gf pulls out new Green Windex (environmentally friendly) from the picnic basket and hands it to me.  I spray the surface of the pond and, magically, I can see myself perfectly clear!  Sounds awesome, right!?

Now on to the demon child problem.  If you recall from my last Windexploits post entitled, Answers From the Land of Dreams, I mentioned my inevitable duty of killing the director, Michael Lovelace.  He is a vicious Vocah demon who must be put down before he ruins the lives and bodies of any more budding stars.  I know it sounds risky, but never fear, my friends!  I have a plan.  The details are blurrier than my reflection in that pond was, but hopefully I'l be able to clear them up, streak free!  And as soon as I do I will definitely divulge them to my readers.

Ta-ta for now!

Naturally,

PE

Drinking Chips: A Dreadful Habit

Today, at work, I decided to take my lunch alone.  I walked to the nearest empty quarter of my office building and sat at a sun-drenched table near our closed cafe.  It seemed ridiculous to me that a coffee shop would close at 2pm, the height of lunch hour, but these things are sent to try us, I suppose.  

I sipped a bowl of warm soup and crunched on croutons I had brought from home.  I played around on Twitter for a while, and finished my meal, packed it up, and threw away my garbage (in its respectable recycling bin, of course).  Upon leaving the cafe I realized I wasn't alone as I had expected.  A rather large woman from management was sitting across the room from me, seemingly drinking a bag of potato chips.  Suddenly nauseous, I quickly averted my eyes and darted back to my desk.  I couldn't believe what I had just seen.  A corporate VP slurping from a near-empty bag of chips?  How revolting!  Apparently the woman had reached the bottom of the bag, but wanted the crumbs, thus tilting her head back and lapping at the inside of the greasy, plastic baggy.  Doesn't she know that crumbs are for birds and the homeless? 

This is troubling.  Why on earth would a woman of stature (all meanings, please) stoop so low as to try and gulp her shaved potatoes?  Has everyone in America gone mad?  Is the Obama administration still reeling from the messes George W. Bush made (for I can imagine GWB drinking his chips)?  

Drinking chips; a disgusting habit no one should entertain.

Naturally,

PE

Antiperspirant Palms

As a sidebar from my Windex plight, I'm going to discuss deodorant.  I use deodorant, and I hope most of you do, too.  But sometimes I slip while applying it to my underarms.  It's very annoying, especially in the midst of a morning rush.

So, my question is, have any of you ever gotten antiperspirant on your hands?  I've never used the spray kind (aerosol will be the death of us, just you wait) but I've heard it can be just as damaging as roll-on.  

The sensation I've felt is that of dry icky stickiness.  Like a dog with an under-active salivary gland licked my palms and then I tried to dry them with half-eaten lollipops.  I just had to share that I think Antiperspirant Palms is one of the most annoying maladies ever!

Reply/comment, and tell me what you think.

Answers From the Land of Dreams

Good Morning, all!

I slept terrificly last night, considering the scary circumstances from earlier yesterday evening.  Just to recap, I was offered a role in a Windex commercial and ultimately threatened into doing it.  The stipulations were as follows;  I could accept the role, but would have to carry the director's demon child (which actually DOESN'T have seven heads, my bad) for a gestation period of six weeks, OR I could decline and surely be killed.  I asked the director for a night to weigh my options, and I've decided what I'm going to do.

It came to me in a dream. . .

I dreamt that I was locked in a room of the Hyperion Hotel, high above the streets of LA.  Some sort of apocalypse was happening outside and the only thing I could do was pace the floor and talk to Lilah Morgan, who was sitting on this room's lumpy old bed.  Suddenly, Lilah started to cry ... and if any of you know Lilah Morgan, she doesn't cry.  When I asked what was wrong, Lilah said that she didn't want the world to end because all she had ever wanted was to have a baby.  I swear I heard Ace of Base "All That She Wants" playing somewhere outside the room.  I told Lilah not to worry, and that we'd soon be free.

Somehow, Lilah and I managed to escape the room and made our way to the kitchen on the ground floor of the Hyperion.  The back loading door was open and no one was around.  I suddenly felt awful and sick.  Apparently, I had been living at the Hyperion for a while, serving the team of Angel Investigations wholeheartedly.  But the realization that my team members had left me sent me reeling.  

Lilah and I proceeded outside into the night.  We heard screams and cries from the city, but saw no one.  Suddenly, a group of people in orange jumpsuits appeared.  It was my team!  Gunn and Fred hopped out of Gunn's truck and presented me with a shovel for "protection."  I tried to hand one to Lilah, but she was gone.  My plans at helping her find a baby were crushed.

I followed the AI team through the woods of LA (hmmm?) and then into a town square where hundreds of people stood, poised to fight.  Angel showed up and took my shovel, replacing it with one of his favorite swords.  When I asked why, he simply said "You're part of the team now."  And smiled.

So, this dream told me a few things:

Lilah = My trepidations at helping Director Michael Lovelace bring a demon-child into the world.  Since Lilah Morgan was evil before/after she died, she represented the side of EVIL in my dream.  I could have helped her, but at what price?  Losing my life in the sudden apocalypse?

The Hyperion Hotel = Me being trapped in the hotel was representative of me being tricked or snared by the Windex executives.  In my dream I had the courage to escape, but will I today?

Angel & the AI Team = The team (Wes, Fred, Gunn) represented the aspect of friends and family.  Real friends will never really desert you, even when it may seem that way at times like, oh let's say, when they don't comment on your blog with helpful friendly advice?  The large grouping of people in the town square represented the side of GOOD and that, by leaving Lilah and following the AI team, I had chosen to "fight the good fight."  Angel showed up to give me his sword as a way of furthering my understanding of what I must do. . .

I must kill Michael Lovelace.

I'm gonna need a broadsword. . . 

G'day, mates!

PE

Further Windexploits

THIS JUST IN:

Michael Lovelace just gave me a friggin' ultimatum.  The nerve!

Demon-daddy called me roughly twenty minutes ago to gather my insurance information so he could be "ready for insemination proceedings," whatever THAT means.  I was appalled! 

"Hold on there, director guy," I told him.  "I'm not even sure I want to do this yet.  I mean, no one's even commented on my blog."

He basically told me that I could accept his request and get the commercial role, or decline and have my liver fed to his newborn upon birth.  I asked to sleep on it.

Hopefully I'll have some answers tomorrow morning.  I mean, I like my liver.  That's the whole reason why I refuse alcohol at social gatherings.

All my best,

PE

Windex -or- How the Wealthy Stay Clean

So, as a few of you may know, I recently signed an agreement with Richard V. Wayland, the Windex guy, to appear in a commercial for America's favorite glass cleaner.  Well, here are a few things one doesn't know about glass cleaner until one has had the pleasure of selling it to the masses:

A)  Richard V. Wayland is a very wealthy man who obviously has someone from either South America or France Windexing his windows on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.

B) Windex is NOT for drinking, especially by children.

C) Commercial directors are meaner than any other type of director (i.e. Camp Director).

Now to the real point of interest; should one do something one wouldn't normally do for money/a job?  Let's say, hypothetically of course, that Michael (the Windex comm. director) asked me (the Windex comm. star) to say, carry his seven-headed demon-spawn in my gut . . . would you suggest I do it for the role, or back out politely?

The pros of this situation are obvious; I get the role, get paid, get noticed, etc.  And the gestation period for a Vocah demon is only like, six weeks.  So I'd be back into shape before my birthday, right?

The cons are heavier though;  Apparently, Vocah spawn are calcium hogs, and I really like my teeth IN my head.  Secondly I'd get fat, which I'm not sure about at all!  I mean, I'm almost 21, I have at least 15 years until I can get away with having a big belly.

I need some answers, friends and readers.  Please, tell me what you would do in my situation.  You know, hypothetically.

Thanks, all.

PE